My Most Precious Gift

Luke turned one month old today!! While this has been the quickest month ever it has also been the longest! I feel like it's been a million years since Luke was born. I have felt more alive than ever since becoming a mother but I have also died a thousand deaths as well. I have changed so much since Mr. Luke made his arrival into this world. It's almost hard to recognize the person I am now and who I used to be as the same person. Things I thought were so important seem so insignificant and petty now. I feel I have changed for the better. I never thought a 1lb 10 1/2 oz baby would have such an impact on me. But he has and it has definitely been a positive one. I now know what I was put on this earth to do. I know I was meant to be given this special child under these undesirable circumstances so that I can live life the best way possible and attempt to show others that life is so precious and it's definitely too short to live unhappy. 

Luke had a good day today! He's pretty much the same with everything, which is good! Like I said before we like to have uneventful days. His swelling is still a little much but we are hoping he can move it himself. Other than that he's doing well with his labs, his stats and his vent settings. His tube ran clearer today as well so that is good! Once the tube runs clear from his tummy then his stoma's will start producing and he can eat again. I can't wait for that! But I am taking it day by day. 

Today I am thankful for three dates in my life that led me to where I am today. June 6th, 2012 I found out I was pregnant with my first child. September 21st, 2012 I found out I was having a boy Bean. October 4th, 2012 Luke Randall Malone came into this world with a big BANG. And because of these dates I have the most important person I have ever known in my life to call me Mommy. Luke is the absolute love of my life. I can't get enough of him. I love holding his extra tiny hands, I love watching him snuggle in his bed, I love when he opens his eyes the moment he hears me talk, I love to read him stories and watch him doze off to imagination land and most of all I love the fact that he is my son, all mine and I just can't wait to snuggle and cuddle him for the rest of my life (or until he decides it's not cool to be seen with your Mama). I love Luke like I have never loved anyone or anything in my life. 

Today while I was watching Luke sleep in his nice comfy bed I daydreamed of all the things I can't wait to experience with him. I can't wait until he smiles his first smile at me, says his first word, takes his first steps and so much more! I can't wait for him to go to school and learn things and become fascinated with education. I can't wait for him to fall in love with someone and make lifelong friends. I can't wait for him to drive a car and figure out what his passions are in life. I just really look forward to finding out who this little person is day by day for the rest of my life. 

I am feeling better also. I had my follow up doctor's appointment with the OBGYN that delivered Luke and he really put things in perspective for me. He said all of my labwork was normal and my placenta was normal as well. So now it is time to face the fact that there will never be a reason for this happening. It just happened. Most likely I have an incompetent cervix and I can get a cerclage (stitch the cervix together after 12 weeks) if I decide to have anymore children. So knowing that I finally started to accept that there will never be a reason to blame this happening on. 

I am living my life day by day and hour by hour when it gets really rough. But everyone's prayers and encouragement and support help me get through each day regardless. And I sincerely thank each person who is taking their time to think of my family during this time. The upcoming holidays are going to be hard on us because this is definitely not how we imagined Luke's first Christmas. But we will get there if everyone continues to encourage us. 

Thank you again! 
Scott, Melissa and Luke Malone. :)